Category Archives: Freelancing

"$8.50 and hour? I hope my kids like Alpo."

Perhaps you read my post about hustling as a freelancer. Perhaps just reading that post gave you fatigue. I know living this kind of life sure can be tiring. And that’s why sometimes I daydream about picking up a part-time job to subsidize my income, something easy and mindless that can help pay the bills, especially when the freelance pool is a little dry.

Here’s a list of jobs I’ve considered picking up since I became a freelancer three years ago:

• Sandwich maker – I actually went on a job interview for this one. They wanted to pay me $8/hr. I could make more money selling lemonade outside my apartment. Part of me thinks I made too good an impression during my job interview. I think the hiring manager thought I just saw sandwich making as a stepping stone to bigger career prospects. Or perhaps I grossed him out when  a booger flew out of my nose at the beginning of our conversation. Yeah, I’m a fucking Ziggy cartoon.
• Waiter – I’ve been a waiter in the past. I actually like the job. The only thing I don’t like is dropping things. It’s not that I drop things frequently. I don’t. It’s just the fear of dropping things is always at the front of my mind. I think the customers can smell the terror. It smells like a steak smothered in grilled onions.
• Parking lot attendant – Who wouldn’t want to sit in a little booth all day and listen to your iPod? How hard can this job be? “You! Don’t park there!” I’m surprised they haven’t automated all of these. But I guess it’s probably cheaper to pay someone next to nothing than it is to buy a robot. Or maybe all those people in the booths are robots. Makes you think.
• Dog walker – I fucking love dogs. They are so fucking adorable, and they don’t have a complaint or a gripe in the world. They are just dogs, and it is as simple as that. Unfortunately, these jobs almost always require the individual to have a car, which I don’t have and with good reason. I’m a crappy driver.
• Bartender – I’ve never bartended before. But I can’t imagine it being too difficult. As long as I’m not making some kind of fancy libation, I can pour just as good as anyone else. I just don’t know if I can stand the clientele. Drunk people annoy me to no end. Then again, most of the bartenders I know feel the same way. So perhaps I am perfect for the job.
• Receptionist – Answering phones seems really easy. And often it is. It’s transferring that can be tough. And if you fuck this up, your boss will probably hand your ass to you. Receptionists often get blamed for everything, and they are usually the focal point of office gossip. Basically, they serve as punching bags for the rest of the staff who do real work. Fortunately, I don’t really care what other people think, and I like filing my nails. So I’m kind of perfect for this gig.

If you have sales experience, then you hold a power that can propel you to success. Selling is the key to operating a viable business. Unfortunately, creative people aren’t necessarily  the best at selling their work or themselves. I’m in this camp, though I’m improving.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I was raised to be humble, possibly to a fault. I don’t take pride in being proud. So when I start to talk myself up to a prospective client or editor, I feel like I’m being immodest. But then, how else are you going to get someone to listen to you? Making a polite request means jack squat in this world if it isn’t followed up with some trumpeting of your own credentials. After all, your client sees you as an investment. You are a cost. And he hopes to get a return. So you better deliver a pretty good prospectus.

You can coast on your credentials and let your resume speak for itself. But this doesn’t compare to actually making that pitch. You got to own what you’re good at. And that means you got to understand your strengths as well as your weaknesses. For example, I rock at writing about legal technology. It’s an area I have a ton of experience with. I also am a very strong comedic writer, which I know because I have a track record to prove it. I’m not good at writing about sports, unless its writing about not being good at sports. Then I’m a freaking pro.

So understand yourself. Study up on marketing techniques, and go out into the world with a certain degree of blind boldness. Self-doubt will creep in, but you just got to trust your abilities. And make that pitch. The worst response you can get is a “No.”

People are skeptical when I tell them that not having a 9-to-5 job is more work than having a 9-to-5 job. And I completely sympathize with their skepticism. After all, I often don’t shower until afternoon, and I sometimes spend the first hour of my day in bed answering emails.

However, while I do get to make my own schedule and type away in my underwear, what is often overlooked is the fact that I am never not working. That’s right. The only clock I get to punch out of is the metaphysical one, which means when I punch out, I’m dead.

Here’s what my average day looks like:

8:00 a.m. – Wake up, answer emails

9:00 a.m. – Review my list of things to do

9:15 a.m. – Gym

10:30 a.m. – Personal blog, Essay Fiesta blog and postings on social networks

Noon – Shower

12:30 p.m. – Client work

2:30 p.m. – Lunch (which I usually work through)

3:00 p.m. – More client work

7:00 p.m. – Creative writing

8 p.m. – Dinner

8:30 p.m. – More creative writing

11:00 p.m. – Stop for the day to read or watch a movie

1:00 a.m. – Bed

Also, this isn’t 5 days a week. This is usually 7 days a week, though lately I’ve been forcing myself to take one day off from work. And even then, I still do some writing.

Being a professional creative is a ton of work. To be successful, you need a lot of talent, a lot of business savvy and a lot of drive. It’s not enough to just do the work you get, but you have to also be looking for new work at all times. Plus, you also have to take care of all the back-office stuff, like accounting and marketing. And don’t forget about the personal upkeep, like cleaning your apartment and working out.

Why do I choose to live this kind of life? Because I love it. I get a tremendous amount of pleasure from being self-employed. I see every new project as a fun challenge where I get to use my skills to fulfill someone’s vision. And I pride myself very much on the work I do, which is one reason why I’ve been successful running this business for the last three years.

If anyone out there has questions about what it’s like to be a freelance writer, feel free to write me, and I’d be happy to answer them. I like to give prospective writers a dose of truth so they know what they’re getting into. It’s not meant to scare you off. But it is meant to ensure you’re not wasting your time when you may be better off applying for a job in a communications department or at a magazine.