I’m very proud of this piece I wrote and researched on the least consumer-friendly lawsuits (and legal issues) of 2011. Also, if you get the chance to see Hot Coffee, by God watch it! You’ll never make a McDonald’s coffee-spilling joke again.
Here’s that story on the least consumer-friendly lawsuits of 2011.
Posted in Freelancing
Tagged consumer law, frivolous lawsuit, Hot Coffee, lawsuit, Lawyers.com
I’ve got two pieces bouncing around the Internet this week (with a couple more huge pieces coming up).
The first piece is published on the Huffington Post and looks at what appears to be a shifting corporate culture at Groupon. As the start-up darling gears up for its IPO, its sales staff has been griping extra loudly on GlassDoor.com. Take a look for yourself.
The second piece covers an ACLU case where an HIV-positive job applicant alleged the TSA denied him a job in violation of the ADA and the agency’s own policies. The article looks at the workplace protections that are afforded those in the HIV/AIDS community. Read it here.
Posted in Freelancing, Publishing
Tagged Groupon, HIV, Huffington Post, Lawyers.com, TSA
It’s been too long since I’ve updated this blog. And so I thought I’d let you all in on what has been keeping away from my precious little patch of Internet for the last several weeks.
These tired hands...
Besides weddings galore because the entire population of my heterosexual social sphere is coupling, I have been writing as if I was on fire and words were water. I have problem written enough articles in the last several weeks to constitute a volume somewhere between a novella and a full-fledged novel. Here’s a rundown of some of the things I have done (links lead to my work):
Hey all you genius entrepreneurs! I’m talking to you. You inventors of ideas. You exploiters of imagination. You information superhighwaymen. I want you to use that brain power of yours to monetize my life.
Stock photo of an "entrepreneurial genius"
Here’s the dilemma. Like you, I have many interests. I am insanely driven. I love to work, and I enjoy a challenge. I am a patron of the arts. I am a fiddler of technology. I’m a marketer extraordinaire, and I’m a sponge for knowledge. But I am at an utter loss as to how to capitalize on these traits and turn them into food and shelter.
Oh, don’t think I haven’t tried. I have been a freelance writer and marketing consultant for a while now. And I’m proud of all I’ve accomplished. I attempted to start my own marketing agency for the publishing industry. I tried to convert my reading series into a touring show. But alas, I always seem to be just getting by rather than building a scalable enterprise.
Maybe I have too many interests. Is such a thing possible? I wear a ton of hats (figuratively speaking since my head is actually too big for normal people hats). Let’s just take a look at all I do:
Deliciously rewarding
Posted in Freelancing, Rant, Technology
I know this headline is far from funny. And in fact, this post is a bit of an aberration from my usual knee-slapping hilarity. But I think it’s a worthy topic, especially for someone like myself who makes a living off of composing words.
I’ve been branching out and searching for publishing opportunities in the consumer publication and lit journal spaces. I’ve had some success. I just turned in my first piece for the Chicago section of the Huffington Post, and I just got my first assignment from the Chicago section of the A.V. Club. These are all great things.
One thing I have always been very mindful of is what rights I am giving to the publisher of my content, especially when I’m shopping content around on spec. For those that don’t know, “on spec” means that I write the content first and then try to find a buyer as opposed to selling a pitch or receiving an assignment. I avoid selling much more than first serial rights or temporary exclusivity. My belief is that as a writer, all I own is my writing. That is my sole source of income (well, that and the occasional market research study…yes, they pay me to try flavored whiskeys and shaving products). If I give a publisher too many rights, I may lose the ability to make money off of a piece of writing. And that’s no way to run a business.
I bring this up because I am looking at contributing to an online magazine that has a lot of witty and well-written content. It’s kind of like McSweeny’s Internet Tendency but with more of a magazine feel. The only problem is its author agreement. I was turned off immediately after reading the first clause:
1. In exchange for our providing you with this platform for expression, you grant us non-exclusive rights to the Content under copyright including the perpetual and unconditional right to use, publish, reproduce, distribute, sell, perform, translate, and display the Content (including any drawings, images, sounds, video recordings, or other data embedded in the Content and including derivative works based on the Content) for any purpose and in any manner or medium anywhere (the “Rights”).
From what I gather, this means that the site can basically use my writing and sell my writing for whatever purpose, while I stand to make no money off it whatsoever. For example, let’s say a television show is optioned based on a piece (Think “Shit My Dad Says”), then they would have full creative control over the television show while I simultaneously would stand to make no money off of this potentially lucrative deal.
Here’s another scenario. Let’s say I publish a dozen or so pieces on the site. Now let’s say my pieces are quite popular. So the site decides to repackage these pieces and sell them as a collection of essays by Keith Ecker. According to that clause, they can do this, and I stand to make zero money off the deal.
Now, yes, their licensing agreement is “non-exclusive.” But what reputable entity is going to want to license your content from you when another entity basically has complete and unlimited control of it. Not many (if any).
So I’m thinking that this site is still a good platform for me. But I’d limit the content I provide it to no more than two pieces max. Additionally, I would make sure that I would never want to publish those two pieces anywhere else ever. Not even in a collection of my own. I would have to consider them dead to me. The gain for me would be that I could add it to my resume and that the platform might attract me new readers.
I wonder, though, if I’m being too heavy-handed. I mean, do all writers think about this kind of stuff? Should they? I feel that because I make a living off of this content I produce, it’s integral for me and my career to be very protective of who owns it and what happens to it.
I’d love any feedback. What do you all think? Am I being paranoid? Or do I have the right idea?
Posted in Freelancing, Publishing
Hello dear readers. As you may have noticed, I have been posting to my blog five days a week for some time. I thought I could keep up this incredible pace. But, alas, I’m an ambitious moron. Besides, I don’t get paid to hear myself type, so unless I can convert my blog posts to edibles, I should probably devote some more time to lining my pockets with dollar bills.
But this is not goodbye. I will still be posting to my blog 2-3 times a week, which will give you slackers a chance to catch up on my life-changing musings. You will also hopefully see me more in the print world. I may be contributing soon to a number of local publications, including the RedEye, Metromix and the Onion’s local A.V. Club. Also, I was just tapped to be a contributor to the Chicago section of the Huffington Post.
In the meantime, if you know of anyone that needs a writer or if you need a writer, let me know. I’m always open to new projects, from marketing work to copywriting to media relations to editorial. If it involves words, I can probably do it.
Expect my next post on Thursday. I’ll miss seeing you all on a daily basis, but I suppose we could use some space.
Posted in Freelancing
Unless you’ve been living under a rock or in a giant mansion, you’ve probably noticed that the economy has locked itself in the shitter for the past three-plus years.
Hey, economy! Can we get a courtesy flush?
The poor economy has put a cramp on companies’ ability to hire. And so we have a large pool of people that are swimming around in unemployment. Many of these unemployed folk are really talented. But unfortunately, the only jobs they can find don’t pay a decent wage. And I’m not talking about a gig that requires operating a deep frier. I’m talking about jobs that should be paying very decent wages.
These should be standard office equipment.
Just do a casual search of Craigslist, and you will find dozens upon dozens of completely ridiculous job ads that are basically searching for highly talented indentured servants. Usually these companies are seeking a highly trained and experienced individual to fill a fairly technical position for roughly $10 an hour. That’s about as much as you’ll make putting sandwiches on a conveyor belt at Potbelly. And I should know! I applied to work at Potbelly!
Whose dick do I have to suck to get a job, Potbelly?
In order to justify their pathetic wages, these companies will often advertise for “paid interns.” Frankly, an internship should be an educational opportunity that benefits the intern more than it benefits the employer. It should provide on the part of the company ample training and education. The intern should be expected to contribute minimally. After all, if you really wanted someone to churn out professional work product, you’d fucking fork over the money to hire a professional. Hell, the only reason why these companies pay their interns these days is because the federal government started cracking down on this corporate slave-trade scheme.
We don't use child labor! We use interns! See? He's wearing a suit!
Here’s a fictitious example of exactly the kind of job ad I’m talking about:
Do you like living life in the fast lane? Are you a motivated self-starter who works well alone and with others? Do you know anything about wage-and-hour law? If you answered “yes” to the first two questions and “no” to the last one, you’re the candidate we’re looking for.
We have an amazing highly awesome completely paid internship position we are looking to fill immediately. Our ideal candidate will have 3+ years experience in direct marketing, media relations, public relations, community relations, data analysis and social marketing techniques. Advanced knowledge of SEO is required. Managerial experience couldn’t hurt either. Also, if you can do Web and graphic design, that’d be sweet. Did we mention this is a fun work environment? We didn’t? Well, okay.
You will get hands-on experience with all of our major campaigns, from pursuing client leads to coming up with campaign ideas to executing these campaign ideas. Basically, we’re handing the keys over to you while we go and buy hookers and Potbelly sandwiches. Also, we have a ping pong table. (You must supply your own paddles.)
This is a paid internship position, so you will be supplied with a stipend at the end of your tenure. We will not be supplying you with a 401(k), transportation reimbursement or health insurance. Did we mention that our office is full of incredibly rusty and sharp objects that randomly fall from the ceiling? Well, it is!
If you are interested in applying for the position, please send us your resume and three work samples. Also, you will be asked to come onsite for a computer aptitude test, which will take up about half your day. We want to make sure you know what a mail merge is because we don’t. You will not be paid for this time, though you are free to use the community water fountain in the hallway. Also, you will be asked to write three press releases in our firm’s style. We will then remove your name from these press releases and use them as our own work product. Also, when we say “style,” we mean the most insipid attempt at humor on the planet. Think the television show Friends meets a knock-knock joke.
So if you’re ready to bend over and get fucked in the ass, apply today! Seriously, hurry. Our current intern has taken to begging for food and water, and it’s kind of a drag.
You remind me of a younger, more pathetic version of myself, kid. You got the job!
So here’s my list of tips to employers seeking good talent through job sites like Craigslist:
Put it in my mouth!
Yesterday I wrote about the freelancer’s love affair with coffee. Today I am writing about my personal obsession with whiskey. Grab a tumbler and some perfectly squared ice cubes and pull up a stool.
First, let’s cut to the chase. I know shit about whiskey. I don’t know how it’s made. I don’t know where it comes from. I don’t know the difference between whiskey, scotch and bourbon, and honestly, I don’t fucking care. Yeah, you can sit there all smug-like sniffing your Glenlevit 18-Year-Old Single Malt; I’ll be over here with the dirty collar and sweaty brow chugging something that would blind a lesser man.
I say, ole chap! Is that Jack Daniels? Why you may as well be sipping pig urine!
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not proud of my stupidity. But my brain just doesn’t have enough memory left to download more useless information. So instead I’m completely content getting blitzed in blissful ignorance. Hell, you could feed me fermented slug juice, and I probably wouldn’t know the Goddamn difference.
It's better than Malort.
What is it about whiskey that I like so much? I think it’s the burning. I like my sources of pleasure to hurt me. That’s why I’m a regular at the gym. I enjoy forcing myself to repetitively lift painfully heavy objects for absolutely no rational reason. I suppose you could say whiskey is the libation of masochists.
Classic whiskey drinker
Now some people say it’s blasphemy to drink your liquor any other way besides straight up or on the rocks. These people lack imagination. Sure, I love a little bit of nothing in my potable, but I’m also a big fan of adding mixers, like Diet Coke, Ginger Ale and more whiskey.
Anyway, it’s been a real long day of writing. I’ve been writing pretty much non-stop since I woke up. And here I am writing still…for my own pleasure! (I told you us whiskey drinkers are masochists.) I need to turn my brain off. I can either zap myself with a cattle prod…or I can go out and grip that welcoming amber glass of whiskey.
Oh sweet glorious relief...
Posted in Freelancing, Rant
I’m a freelance writer. My people are nomads by nature. While you whittle your time away in your air-conditioned office with your industrial copy machine and fluorescent lights, we are roaming the streets, scouring for a reliable Wi-Fi connection and a quiet corner so that we can, perhaps, make a buck or two for a cup of coffee.
Speaking of coffee, us freelancers pretty much live off the stuff. Day or night, we dump that good ole java into our bodies, hoping that somehow this jolting elixir will stir the muses into action. More often than not, it just results in a lot of trembling and bathroom breaks.
So if we enjoy wi-fi connections, quiet corners and coffee, we naturally flock to coffeeshops. You’ve seen us before. We’re the ones that glare at your from across the cafe the moment you and your friend sit down for a good-natured “catch up” chat. We secretly want to dump a mug of boiling joe on your lap when you answer that cellphone call. We are the ones that type and type and type, nestled in a nest of napkins and cup cozies, a look of manic focus and a hint of soulless fatigue in our eyes.
We are a passive aggressive bunch. We’ll never tell you to shut up. We’ll just pray that you choke on your danish. And we’ll pray hard.
So, if you want to avoid our hexes and stay on our pleasant sides (i.e., less agitated sides), you should follow these simple coffeeshop etiquette rules:
Posted in Freelancing, Rant
Make some noise!
As I sit here terrified once again by the screeching engines of the Air and Water Show jetfighters, I am reminded of something I have been working on with regard to my craft…and that is drowning out the noise.
By “noise” I don’t actually mean the blast of a fucking sonic boom over my apartment (damn you Blue Angels!), nor do I mean the pointless yelling between the contractors working on the building next door (“Hey! You want a sandwich!” “Yeah. I want a sandwich!” “What do you want on your sandwich?!?
“Pickles! Lettuce! Onion!”).
Get a room!
I mean those outside voices that tell us what we should and shouldn’t be doing with our lives. Those messages we get from our friends, our family, our colleagues, our communities and the media that derail us from achieving our goals. You know what I’m talking about. It’s those voices that say, “Why do you want to be a writer? Writers don’t make any money.” and “How are you going to make it in Chicago? Everyone knows the business is in New York.”
The noise that floats around us constantly serves to confuse us. It preys on pre-existing insecurities, and it causes self-doubt. And when self-doubt sets in, productivity declines.
To succeed, you have to be confident. And part of being confident is acknowledging the noise, but not accepting it as inalienable truth. It is being able to hone in on your gut and listen to that little positive voice inside of you, that source of all your motivation to persevere in the face of all the naysaying noise.
Sure, all I’m really saying is to believe in yourself. But life is not a Disney cartoon. And believing in yourself is really really hard to do because the majority of the world either A) doesn’t give a shit about your success or B) actively wants to see you fail. In a way, you can let some of this actually feed your motivation in a “I can’t wait to prove them all wrong” kind of way. But don’t get too caught up in that. If the impetus for your actions is just to prove the noise wrong, then there’s little room for yourself in your work. In the end, you got to act because it comes from within, not from a need to seek out external validation.
I’m starting to feel preachy. That’s not my intention. So here’s the point in my post where I criticize myself and point out my own shortcomings to reflect my humanism. I often suck at drowning out the noise. I have denied myself some pretty awesome opportunities because of other people’s shit. And I still struggle with that nonsense all the time. But I’m getting better at recognizing that it is nonsense. And that’s an improvement.
So what have we learned? We’ve learned you don’t need to be or marry a doctor. We learned that you don’t need to justify the man or woman you choose to love for any reason. We learned that your career path is your career path, your art is your art and that other people’s bullshit is their bullshit. Of course be open to criticism and comments. You can’t live your life in a vacuum. Outside input is necessary for personal improvement. After all, you probably only actually see 90% of your own personality and actions. The rest of the world can see your blind spots.
But if someone is just projecting their shit onto you? Ignore it. You’re not a pooperscooper.
Jesus, man! Have some dignity!
Posted in Comedy, Freelancing
Hi! I'm Keith Ecker. I'm the co-producer of Essay Fiesta, a popular reading reading series in Chicago. You can read more about me here. I also write marketing and editorial copy for a number of regional and national clients. If you are interested in using my services, shoot me an e-mail.
